Tuesday, April 5, 2011
Wish, hope and prayer
All of these can be good for the morale. The reality is however, that all remove responsibility for recovery away from the person. They are dangerous. Reality improves as you invest effort in changing it.
Monday, April 4, 2011
long term deficits
I am 48% blind, and even now there are days in which using my vision makes my head hurt. Do not invest more in hope that these will remit as you do in finding coping mechanisms. I have found the hunt for coping mechanisms is constant, and it is the most beneficial asset in dealing with these permanent handicaps. I spent many years disavowing my disability and it did no good. Playing at having an unaltered reality will not make it so. As with much else after a stroke, do not give up.
Friday, April 1, 2011
poor impulse control and bad judgement
I had this in spades too! I understand it is very common. The fact that I attempted a university education while being half blind, with no short term memory is an indicator of of how profound this effect can be. The fact that I made it through school is due largely to not giving up. I would not be able to say these things from experience if I had not done so, and so not all "bad" decisions are doomed, but the ability to relate actions to a real world environment is part of recovery that needs to be worked on extensively if socially functional rehab is to be achieved. Again, it is not insurmountable, it takes effort and time to achieve. This is another feature where the support one receives determines in large measure the result. Without my family and friends, I would not have made it!
miscommunication (s)
Miscommunication happens. It was an order of magnitude harder for me to formulate a question initially, and asking if I wanted Jello, destroyed the effort. This result in dirty looks and unkind words. I am sorry to everyone that had to endure that. I am also sorry for everyone who cannot say it or does not realize it yet. As the support member, you need to realize that the stroke victims ability to communicate has been compromised, all the way down to the word organization level. Please have some grace in accepting this awkwardness, it will diminish. Even now, I will shoot an unpleasant look sometimes for this reason. Remember it is not like it was, and miscommunication can be no ones fault. It took tremendous effort to learn to communicate effectively, and that would not have happened without those around me excepting my dirty looks with grace and civility.
Thursday, March 31, 2011
starting slowly
One of my greatest aggravations at school was trying to multi task complex ideas. Initially, I did not have the ability to keep them separate in my own mind. This not only causes bad interpretations, but hampers further development. Start slowly with new information and confirmation of old information until you can keep them separate. Breaks between subjects help, particularly with changes in venue. It is very helpful to have a solid foundation of new mental information so that when the increase in throughput comes, it can achieve high potential. Do not get frustrated, it is a process you can only affect to a small degree, and your small steps will be enough to foster the improvements.
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
trapped in my old mind
This is scary. I understand it is common also. It was a good part of my amorphous fear. I cannot say exactly when it went away. I believe it was when I was first engaged in a subject at school that I had no prior experience in and had to communicate with a learned individual without relying on my memories. It was a profound shift for the better when the feeling abated, and I strongly recommend dealing with this issue quickly as it makes most others easier.
missing the "old you"
I had this in spades. Seven years on I do not. I went through the stages of grief that would apply if a loved one died. I felt cheated because it was me. I do not feel that way now. I am different, better even. I did not die, my circumstance changed. This is a tremendous opportunity for personal growth. It is right to be sad, but like fear, only a small dose is acceptable before it starts working against you. It was in my case, a great deal of work that I resented because others did not have to do it. It is now a great deal of investment i made in myself to adapt to a forced change. We all change incrementally all the time, most people do not see the changes because they are so small. You can see them, which gives you the advantage of controlling them to a degree. I no longer resent it, and I have even grudgingly come to accept that it has been good for my personal development.
fear
Boy and howdy, I had a great deal of fear. I suppose to a degree it is a normal reaction, with the confusion in thought and perception comes the unknown, and with the unknown comes fear. One thing that really helped me keep fear at bay as well as reestablish solid thinking was to research anything that caused me fear. It not only allows you to learn what variables are involved in your fear, it is an active step in your recovery. It seems like a small thing, and indeed it is on a daily scale. Over months however you will find your research skills improving, your organizational skills improving, your general knowledge of your environment improving, and your fear levels decreasing with supporting evidence that remits it's causes. Fear can be a healthy thing in very small doses. An undefined and vague fear of the "future" is not a small dose, and it is not healthy. A little effort each day, even if it is just discussing your fears with another or web based research, is an active step in recovery that pays immediate dividends. I truly enjoyed college because this was a constant state of affairs to me, and I am a better man for it.
memory
Before the stroke, when I read something, I would get a sense of it being resident in long term memory. That is now gone. I still read things only to find later I have no recall of them. It must be said however, that the more I tried to remember, the better the memory has gotten. Do not be in a hurry to rehabilitate your memory, thats frustrating. Try each day to memorize something. Start simple, say with objects, and work out to relationships of objects and complex verbs. I had the advantage of University pushing me, but others can avail themselves of those around them for this. It took months to get the days of the week in order, so that when I laid down to sleep, I knew what day tomorrow was going to be called. After 7 years it seems a simple thing to say, at the time it frustrated me to no end. Even now my short term memory is very bad. Like I have said, do not be in a hurry, it is not a race!
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
helpful links
National Stroke Association http://goo.gl/
Mayo Clinic http://goo.gl/g4WyG
Stroke Recovery http://goo.gl/hxQp0
These are helpful jumping off points for what to expect for both stroke sufferers and their families. These sites also contain links to other resources. You are not alone, do not feel the need to face this challenge alone.
Mayo Clinic http://goo.gl/g4WyG
Stroke Recovery http://goo.gl/hxQp0
These are helpful jumping off points for what to expect for both stroke sufferers and their families. These sites also contain links to other resources. You are not alone, do not feel the need to face this challenge alone.
expectations
The desire to improve is your friend as long as it is not in the form of a rigid goal. Deal with reality as it is and adapt rather than thinking your are going to 'recover", it is less pressure on you. You should extend this courtesy to others also. Because our limitations are not openly visible, most will not alter their behavior in respect to it. Rather than letting this frustrate you, use it as a constant bar of achievement that is set by others. If you can routinely pass this bar, you are for all intents and purposes, recovered. It will not be as it was before, but it will be socially functional. It is good to have goals beyond this, as long as they do not frustrate you to the point of quitting.
Communicating
It was hard to focus my thoughts at first. Even when a clear line of thought appeared, it was difficult to express. It finally occurred to me that my thoughts were not expressible, and trying to relate them in detail was an impossibility. I started with the base of why I needed to communicate and worked out from their. It is not helpful to try and express nuanced thoughts without the trajectory being established because one of the communicating systems is compromised. Their is no shame in reverting to what seems like childish communication, the shame would lie in excepting that what happens in your mind must stay their. It took me a long time to avail myself of others, and I now consider it time wasted. Even simple exchanges use the mechanisms of communication and offer experience to profit from.
Do not give up!
This is solid advice all the way around, but for those facing stroke recovery, it is essential, DO NOT GIVE UP! It took me a year and change to relearn to walk. It is now, 7yrs out, a small thing. It will never be a small thing if you quit. The adversity we face defines us more than anything else.
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